Friday, July 6, 2012


2 weekends (this upcoming and next) and a week remain before a major life change. Transition... things are in flux.

It is a new start but it is also familiar insofar as futures are concerned. That is my first grievance.

Despite this, I am solidifying my resolve to commit to looking forward. I must be like Chinese Olympic hurdler Liu Xiang who had promise but then had it taken away. We must get over these obstacles.

We have a similar journey, Liu Xiang and I. We succumbed to our pitfalls even though we fully expected to clear them easily because of talent, ability, and dedication. I don't believe our expectations were too lofty in our past engagement, but we experienced massive disappointment that threatened our destiny & identity. I know we both questioned our being to a sickening degree. But like it or not, both of us are back to give this a try again.

What i hate is that i have already come to grips with the reality of the situation - its gravity already deflating and shrinking and sinking me. I hardly believe i will have a chance to enjoy a honeymoon period as is typical with these types of things.

So for now, I will try to make the best of it for the next 9 days, try to take things in and live them fully and hope their wonderful memory will be enough to survive on through my sentence.

I will miss him most, of course. His whole life this far, I have been constantly with him. My consulting career afforded me the valuable time to spend with him and I have seen him grow and learn and do so many firsts. Now though it is time to go back to the 8-to-5.

I feel dreadful about it. And a heavy depression fills me like 1,000,000 setting suns and the darkness that follows.

At this new thing, i will think of him most often. Him and my family. I will also think of typewriters to pass the time, of course

1 comment:

  1. It is bittersweet, this transition. He will miss you just as much. I wish I could stay home with him. He will know and feel our love just the same but I do understand where you're coming from. It was very hard for me to go back to work after 24/7 life with him. I am just grateful for the time you had with him. It is a gift that not many dads, first time ones especially, get to experience. You have been awesome. Our boy is a lucky baby. Mrs. Y xoxo