2 weekends (this upcoming and next) and a week remain before a major life change. Transition... things are in flux.
It is a new start but it is also familiar insofar as futures are concerned. That is my first grievance.
Despite this, I am solidifying my resolve to commit to looking forward. I must be like Chinese Olympic hurdler Liu Xiang who had promise but then had it taken away. We must get over these obstacles.
We have a similar journey, Liu Xiang and I. We succumbed to our pitfalls even though we fully expected to clear them easily because of talent, ability, and dedication. I don't believe our expectations were too lofty in our past engagement, but we experienced massive disappointment that threatened our destiny & identity. I know we both questioned our being to a sickening degree. But like it or not, both of us are back to give this a try again.
What i hate is that i have already come to grips with the reality of the situation - its gravity already deflating and shrinking and sinking me. I hardly believe i will have a chance to enjoy a honeymoon period as is typical with these types of things.
So for now, I will try to make the best of it for the next 9 days, try to take things in and live them fully and hope their wonderful memory will be enough to survive on through my sentence.
I will miss him most, of course. His whole life this far, I have been constantly with him. My consulting career afforded me the valuable time to spend with him and I have seen him grow and learn and do so many firsts. Now though it is time to go back to the 8-to-5.
I feel dreadful about it. And a heavy depression fills me like 1,000,000 setting suns and the darkness that follows.
At this new thing, i will think of him most often. Him and my family. I will also think of typewriters to pass the time, of course